Playing Favorites

I have a feeling that in any family with more than one submissive, the matriarch will inevitably have one "favorite;" one sub who merits the most doting, the most time, and the most ready forgiveness in the case of transgressions. I think this is also true for most biological families: Any mother loves all her children, but even if she never says it out loud, even if she's uncomfortable admitting it to herself, there's probably one son or daughter who's even more dear to her than the others.

Through my tenure as a Second Life domme I've almost always had more than one pet, and there has always been a favorite. It was never a conscious decision- it was more of an understanding of how much I appreciated a given submissive on a number of levels, and how that one pet met my needs more fully or consistently than the others. I believe I made a mistake, however- and made this same mistake over again several times- and I think it's time to admit it, explain why it was wrong, and to move on. My mistake? I told every "favorite pet" I ever had that she was my favorite. I did it confidentially, and I was always sincere (there was always only one favorite at any given time), but I told them and it was wrong.

My Mistake
I doubt many people recommend that mothers tell their favorite offspring whom they love the most, primarily because there's the chance that this could slip out during a sibling argument, resulting in bitterness and resentment within the family. But perhaps there's not even a need to put it into words; if you're around each other as much as a mother and child are, the two of you probably just know.

Although I'd never dare tell my real children who my favorite was, I told my pets. Why? While I don't remember all the situations, I know that sometimes I chose to reveal the pets' status to them when they were feeling insecure, or regretting some kind of change in their real-life schedule that affected our time together. It was a reassurance that I wouldn't disown them, an acknowledgment of their devotion. In a blood family, you usually don't have to worry that you'll be disowned if you get a new job, but the Second Life submissive doesn't have the same implicit assurances.

I've had five favorites over the years- and every one of those pets is still with me. It's not that I'm capricious that things changed so much over time, it's just a result of the evolving dynamic with the family, often due to unavoidable changes in peoples' real-life schedules.

It's Not a Title
Each pet can potentially interpret the meaning of her status a different way, possibly ascribing meanings that aren't there. For example, the pet who one day realizes she's not "the one" anymore might think that she's failed Mistress in some way, or is perhaps being punished for some unspoken misdeed, in the same way that the Olympic Comittee revokes titles from athletes who are found to have cheated to gain their medals. But that's the difference: There is no competition for your place in my heart. I don't pull names out of a hat or judge you by a list of strict criteria. My love for you is the result of your devotion to me. If you don't have the time it takes to nurture a meaningful relationship, you can't hope to be the one most dear. But simply "being there" is not enough either.

Keys to My Heart
There is no formula for love, no way to force your way to the top spot in my heart- but I can tell you the things that all of my favorite pets have had in common. If you demonstrate all the traits of The Loyalist or The Angel as spelled out in my catalog of SL submissives, you definitely stand a chance of being my number one. You cannot force it, and if I stay true to my word, you may never really know- but you simply cannot go wrong by living up to those standards.

Moving Forward
I have informed the family that just as I will not tell individuals where I think they fall in my own classification scheme for submissives, I will no longer explicitly bestow private "favorite" status upon anyone. I want my pets focused on enjoying our time together, not fighting over some title. I know this decision can't put an end to all the rivalry that sometimes occurs within the family, but it's one thing I can control.

If you find yourself developing a special fondness for one of your pets that goes beyond what you currently have with the others, I urge you to express that fondness privately with actions, not words. If the bond between you is as strong as you feel it is, you two will both just know.