Subspotting: A Mistress's Field Guide

Whaddyaknow, it's another double-post Monday! The longer you move in D/s circles in Second Life, the more you begin to see patterns in the behavior of submissives. I've identified a number of prevalent behaviors and personality types among the SL submissive community that I hope will aid other dommes in determining how to respond to these pets, and how to minimize the possibility of future problems. Please note that several of these behaviors are unique to- or more pronounced in- Second Life, and also that a mistress should never use these labels when speaking with her pets. These descriptions and suggestions should simply serve as a reference, not as a tool for chastising submissives.

You will probably find that some submissives fall into more than one of the following categories. I will note common overlaps where appropriate, and also describe the impact of certain behaviors on the domme and her family. I've tried to keep this list kink-agnostic; I'm intentionally omitting any classification that involves a specific fetish (for example, restraint subs who wish to be forced in mouselook most of the time), although you will likely find some overlap between those niche types and the more general descriptions below.

Types of Second Life Submissives

The One-kink Wonder
These subs are almost entirely focused on a single, specific fetish or fantasy. It may be something pedestrian, like "I like to wear latex" or "I like to worship boots," but can also be left-of-center, like "I enjoy being eaten whole by giant anthropomorphic squirrels."

Impact: These subs can be fun for certain scenes; they often very excitedly express their gratefulness for a well-conducted RP that suits their tastes. These subs can be exasperating, though, because they don't have the same enthusiasm for anything unrelated to their kink of choice.

Overlaps: One-kink Wonders are often also Roleplayers, Phantoms, and/or Butterflies.

The Onanist
While many subs likely masturbate in real-life during scenes from time to time, the Onanist does it regularly and often gives you updates in IM, and even asks for permission to go AFK for clean-up afterward. Sometimes the Onanist will request permission to release in real-life, and these subs will drag a scene out until they achieve it.

Impact: Some dommes consider this kind of feedback to be Too Much Information (TMI), and while I used to be of this type, I've sometimes found it kind of exciting to know the physiological impact I'm having on my slave. Note that these pets sometimes become reliant on you for their personal sexual release, however, and you may begin to feel obliged to do scenes with them just to help them get off.

Overlap: Onanists are often also Visitors and/or Butterflies.

The Visitor
The Visitor is a collared slave who acts more like a dinner guest. He doesn't keep a regular schedule, only popping in when he feels like it- but demands your full attention on the rare times he graces you with his presence. He's also quick to log off if you choose to focus your time on your more reliable pets.

Impact: Visitors can be fun for individual scenes, but their unpredictable schedules makes it difficult to arrange family events, and their neediness on the few times they do show up can stress the domme and annoy the other pets. Visitors often participate in other roleplaying communities and have alts that they constantly roam between, looking for action.

Overlap: Visitors tend to be Onanists and/or Roleplayers.

The Human Shield
Jealousy drives the Human Shield. She is instantly skeptical of any visiting submissives that you might consider for collaring, and is often seen by other pets as cold or outright rude. She will express disappointment (either directly or indirectly) when you focus time on other pets, and has a tendency to log out without warning if things don't go her way. These pets can be good and valuable in other respects, which can make disciplining them difficult. These subs can be very emotionally manipulative, even if they're not necessarily aware of what they're doing.

Impact: Jealousy has a poisonous effect on the family. It causes stress for the domme (when she's aware of it) and can drive other pets away- which is exactly what the Human Shield wants. Depending on how valuable this sub's other attributes are, the domme must decide how to recognize and care for a Human Shield. If she deserves it, one might honor a Human Shield with special privileges or a title, and when feasible, guarantee occasional 1-on-1 time to the deserving pet. This should not be seen as rewarding the jealous behavior, but to reassure the pet that she's valued and help her to get over her negative feelings.

Overlap: If gone unchecked the Human Shield's jealousy can make her a Phantom.

The Mouse
While jeaousy is often a factor, the Mouse may also just have a natural aversion to crowds. These subs thrive in 1-on-1 sessions, but seem aloof when more subs are around, and are likely to log out early or even stay away for extended periods if the crowd exceeds their comfort level. Their timidity can be an issue because it often prevents them from expressing their feelings, making the domme think it's a problem on her part. Like the Human Shield, these pets can be absolutely darling and beloved otherwise, which makes the issue all the more difficult to address.

Impact: While the Mouse is not as active in her dislike or disconnection from the other pets, his aloofness is usually interpreted as rudeness. The Mouse's tendency to teleport away or log out the very instant Mistress logs out also generates some contempt in the hearts of the other subs.

Overlap: A mouse will often become a Phantom if not cared for properly. Note that while the Mouse's behaviors might sometimes be similar to that of The Visitor, the motivations and circumstances are usually different.

The Roleplayer
From the moment these subs sign on to Second Life they are in-character, frequently emoting during lulls in dialog, and so dedicated to the art that they even surround out-of-character instant messages (which most people consider to be OOC by default) in double-parenthesis. These subs put a lot of work into their avatars, often coming up with very unique and memorable looks. They are skilled at the craft of sensual roleplay, often having a background in text-only or other graphical RP environments. Any Roleplayer more than a couple of months old usually has a few very different looking/acting alts, whether you know about them or not.

Impact: The impact of a Roleplayer on a family really depends on the domme and her pets. If everyone involved is a roleplayer, they can end up having some great times together. If there is a mix of more "serious" or "authentic" players in the family, though, the Roleplayer can seem kind of detached, never really getting too close with family members, and often logging out if too many folks are in "OOC mode." Roleplayers can serve as good RP models to other subs, and can result in some really good scenes, but depending on your needs and your tolerance, they can be a lot of work to maintain. If you're not the type of domme who's "on" 24/7, you might have a difficult time keeping your Roleplayers happy, and you likely won't develop as much of an intimate relationship with them as you would to a more run-of-the-mill sub.

Overlap: Roleplayers are frequently Visitors (often due to their alts or other RP commitments), and may sometimes be Onanists or Back-seat Drivers.

The Back-seat Driver
These are subs that "top from the bottom," constantly sending Mistress instructions during scenes in IM, and basically choreographing the event. The occasional OOC feedback from a sub can be welcome or important, but Back-seat Drivers can make a domme feel more like a marionette than a Mistress. Even if you're not doing a scene with them, these subs will try to pry details from you, repeatedly asking your plans for them in future encounters. If you ever hear me talking about "pushy bottoms," this is what I mean.

Impact: The other pets are usually unaware of the Back-seat Driver's constant controlling of scenes, so their direct impact is normally limited to Mistress. The relentless second-guessing these subs do, and their desire to always know your plans before you get a chance to play them out can sort of suck the fun out of your encounters- and there are only so many "helpful hints" a domme can take during a scene before she gets downright irritated.

Overlap: Back-seat Drivers are frequently Onanists, Butterflies, One-kink Wonders and/or Roleplayers.

The Object
One can often identify an Object simply by taking a peek at their profile. Terms like "no limits," "a thing to be used," or "seeking only the cruelest mistress," membership in groups almost exclusively dealing with pain, humiliation, and degrading fetishes. It is not uncommon for these subs to return filled-out kink checklists where they ascribe the highest interest rating to EVERY KINK ON THE LIST. Objects require lots of (negative) attention and frequently enjoy public scenes, but unlike some of the other needy classes of slave, they are often not much help when you're trying to determine a long-term path in your relationship, because they will (often falsely) claim to not have any specific kinks, and say that the only thing they want is "to be used."

Impact: Objects can alienate their family, as their very extreme roleplay and utter absence of dignity are often unnerving to more balanced slaves. They don't tend to grow very close with their slave brothers or sisters. They frequently request to be punished by their siblings when Mistress is away, which can even result in more discomfort on the part of pets who consider themselves to be 100% submissive. They can also be a problem for a serious domme; how can you remain motivated to treat ANYONE so cruelly? One often has to contrive abusive scenes just to keep the Object happy, which eventually gets rather old.

Overlap: Objects are quite often Butterflies, but they may also be Roleplayers or Visitors.

The Phantom
The Phantom is that mysterious sub who vanishes unannounced for weeks or months at a time, without responding to IMs, emails, or group notices- and then one day logs in as if nothing had happened. Sometimes you even have to ask before they'll even offer an explanation. The reasons one goes Phantom are many, but real-life relational and health issues are commonly-cited factors.

Impact: Phantoms take a bigger toll on a family than they probably understand. A mistress naturally cares for her pets, and when one of them goes missing she starts asking herself a bunch of questions: Is he okay? Did I do something wrong? Has he lost his Internet connection? Is he even still alive? This has an impact on the family as well. If a mistress technically has two submissives but one of them goes Phantom, should she try to recruit another sub to take the first one's place? If so, what happens when the prodigal sub returns? Sometimes, when Phantom subs return, things simply aren't the same. Perhaps it's due to a real-life event they've gone through, but sadly it's often hard to rekindle the relationship after such a long absence. Also, a sub that vanishes for weeks at a time is likely to repeat this behavior throughout his tenure.

Overlap: If real-life factors are at play, almost any kind of sub is at risk of becoming a Phantom, although Companions, Loyalists, and Angels will generally try to warn you so you don't worry after them. The Human Shield might go Phantom to teach you a lesson. The Mouse might do it because he just needs a breather.

The Optimist
The optimist lives twelve time zones away from you, is only 5% kink-compatible, but STILL REALLY WANTS TO BE YOUR SLAVE! If you look at things objectively it seems obvious that a situation like this wouldn't work out, but sometimes these subs can be so enthusiastic and cute and grateful for your time that your judgment lapses. You collar her and enjoy a lovely honeymoon period, and then she comes to the realization that life on 3 hours of sleep a night isn't that great, and you end up only seeing each other on weekends.

Impact: These are really well-meaning subs, but it can drain a domme to take too many of these on. You invest a lot of time and energy into a relationship here that's just not sustainable in the long-term. When the restrictions are purely logistical (time zone or work schedule, for example), it can be a cruel torture when you both finally understand that you just can't make it work without substantive real-life changes.

Overlap: Unfortunately, these pets could possibly grow to be Companions or Angels if given the chance. You may still manage to retain one as a Loyalist, though, although both of you must consider how fair it is for you to keep a slave you hardly ever see.

The Butterfly
The butterfly isn't often content to stay in one place for very long. She hops from mistress to mistress, running away once she's had her fill. Some butterflies only accept collars reluctantly- for example if a mistress she's interested in only spends time with her own collared pets. These slaves are also the least likely to desire or follow restrictions that would prevent them from submitting to others while their owner is offline. These subs are also very impatient; they're the kind who will add you to their collar before you've even decided to take them as your slave.

Impact: Butterflies can be disruptive in that the domme and the other subs put in a certain amount of effort into acclimating new pets, and that effort ends up wasted when the sub runs away. They don't often stay long enough to develop very deep relationships with anyone.

Overlap: It is quite common for butterflies to be Back-seat Drivers. They are frequently Roleplayers, Visitors, or One-kink Wonders as well.

The Wolf
The wolf is a sub who's not really a sub. Sometimes these subs admit their switchiness, other times their dominant nature is gradually made apparent as they attempt to dominate their brothers and sisters with (and sometimes without) your permission. In the case of men, it's typically just a guy who only wants to be a slave to have easy access to some submissive women. With female avatars the sub sometimes appears to want to impress Mistress with her domming abilities, or might be interested in learning from another Mistress first-hand.

Impact: I personally have not had issues with Wolves, but I mention them because I've heard several "horror stories" involving mostly-dominant switches causing unrest within families, ultimately poaching (or trying to poach) slaves for their own stable, or even trying to dominate their own Mistress. As a domme you need to know how you feel about switches in your family, and also understand how your individual pets feel about potentially being dominated by a sibling.

Overlap: This is just a guess, but I imagine there might be overlap here with most of the other classes that aren't purely submissive or perfect.

The Enigma
This is one of the most puzzling subs, and unless the person is new to SL you will often find a history of similar stories involving this person after you've been burned by one. One's relationship with the Enigma starts out pretty normally, leading to a formal collaring and a few days or weeks of relationship building. And then one day something happens: She might "freak out," roleplaying something really bizarre or out-of-character. I once had a pet start crawling around on all fours and biting all of her sisters on the legs, and WOULD NOT STOP. I had another who requested a form of humiliation that was very unexpected for her, and then panicked and teleported away in the middle of the scene that she asked for. Enigmas won't hesitate to sever all ties with you immediately and without explanation: They will port away, quit your group, mute you, defriend you, all in a few seconds- and good luck getting that collar back. Don't expect to ever learn why they left, either.

Impact: While the scenes these pets can cause are often jarring, the impact typically doesn't linger very long, especially because it happens pretty early in the relationship, before anyone really has a chance to get very close to the sub in question. It can drain a domme, however, and cause her to wonder where she went wrong. Trust me on this, though- ask around... every time this has happened to me, I've discovered that the same person (or one of her alts) had done the same kind of thing several times before.

Overlap: These subs are often Objects and/or One-kink Wonders. The behavior of the Enigma is abnormal and may point to some real-life mental health issues, or just a terrible level of immaturity.

The Wallflower
These are the unassuming subs that can often get overlooked and neglected in favor of the more charismatic but less committed classes of slave. Wallflowers never ask for much, and are often reluctant to voice any discontent, even when asked directly for their opinions. They happily engage in scenes and while they may not be as likely to offer unsolicited thanks or feedback as others, are quietly appreciative of your time and attention. Wallflowers can be so unassuming, however, that they might not even IM you to indicate that they're online, for fear that they might be imposing.

Impact: I see every Wallflower as a potential Angel or Loyalist. Generally, these subs should be nurtured and encouraged and involved, in hopes that you can help them grow more confident and active. It can be a little draining or exasperating when you find yourself always having to make the first move with these subs, or when you have to really twist their arms to get honest opinions from them, but it can be worth the effort.

Overlap: I have not noticed much overlap between the wallflower sub and the other types, although I believe they can evolve into more assertive types of subs.

The Untouchable
Sometimes you meet a sub that you're just convinced would accept your collar if it weren't for certain barriers that are beyond your control. Perhaps he's loyal to another mistress, even though she's not online to take care of him very much. Perhaps his in-game Mistress is his real-life partner, or maybe it's a simple matter of your schedules not matching up often enough to make a true D/s relationship feasible.

Impact: These subs tend to show up only when they don't have other obligations, so their attendance cannot be relied upon. Since they're not collared subs, they can also generate some envy within the family if you spend time with these visitors when you could have been taking care of your collared slaves.

Overlap: There's usually not much overlap (although they can sometimes be Loyalists), although these subs would likely be Angels or Companions under different circumstances.

The Companion
The Companion is more than just a sub; she's a friend. This sub is happy to stand around quietly with you on build projects or even just hang out and chat if you're not up for doing a scene. You can go on silly field trips or shopping expeditions, and just be happy for each other's company. What separates a Companion from an Angel is that the Companion might still hold some cards close to the chest- usually regarding real-life matters- and might maintain a sort of emotional distance from you, for reasons that might not be clear. Regardless of how emotionally close you get to your Companions, they're valuable for friendship, camaraderie, and for keeping loneliness at bay.

Impact: Companions are a valuable asset to any domme or slave family. They don't necessarily form close relationships with their siblings, but are always around so long as Mistress is there too.

Overlap: I can't think of much overlap here. These are usually pretty well-balanced slaves.

The Loyalist
The Loyalist is usually a collared slave, but like the Untouchable, might be prevented from accepting your collar for reasons you cannot circumvent. Regardless of their slave status, Loyalists are reliable friends and proponents. If you own land, your Loyalist pets might be known to patrol your premises while you're away, offering assistance to visitors and reporting potential problems to you via offline IMs. These pets frequently offer their time and assistance in building and business matters, and can even act as screeners for potential slaves. The level of trust and respect between domme and Loyalist sub is often high enough that more real-life information is shared, increasing the intimacy and relational involvement.

Impact: These subs are important assets to any slave family. They are models to the other pets, and often offer support and assistance to their siblings when Mistress isn't available.

Overlap: None to speak of.

The Angel
The Angel is the ideal submissive in every way. She is compatible with Mistress in tastes, needs, and attitudes. She shows up regularly and warns Mistress if she's going to be away. She welcomes guests and other siblings, and helps nurture her brothers and sisters when the opportunity comes. Don't be deceived by the title; the Angel's tastes can run very dark- it's the matter of compatibility and shared love and respect that defines her role. An Angel actively participates in scenes, but understands that she can't always be the focus. She also happily accepts occasional "OOC nights" and is just generally a joy to be around. She understands service, and also understands the submissive's responsibility to equip her Mistress with feedback (both positive and negative) that she needs in order to make her best decisions.

Impact: Angels and Loyalists are anchors of any slave family. They're role models, and they help alleviate the stress of dominating less mature or reliable subs. Angels aren't just a "nice-to-have" component of the family, but an essential ingredient for long-term viability. Every domme needs at least one. Sadly, these subs are so rare that you must sometimes make compromises due to time zone or other RL-conflicts. These subs deserve special consideration, and scheduled private time and custom-planned scenes are fitting rewards for their loyal service.

Overlap: Do everything you can to prevent your Angels from becoming anything else.

Final Thoughts
I must re-iterate the need to never use these labels when criticizing your pets. Hopefully seeing this list in black-and-white might give you a better understanding of the kind of slaves you hope to keep, and what your thresholds are for various kinds of behavior. Now please log in to Second Life and give your Angels, Loyalists, Companions, and Wallflowers a huge hug for me... and don't ever let them go.